Category Archives: Dream Journal

Back at It Again

When someone tries to bait you for a reaction, your best response is to provoke them with your silence.
—The Quotebook
Because she continues to ignore her sister’s existence, the misguided assault on her stuff started back up again. Exasperated, she says, “There are a number of reasons off the top of my head for this relentless vendetta: 
  • I get it, I’m an easy target. She has no reason to go after our underage niece since they seem reasonably close. She can’t openly antagonize our parents either because they still have the authority to kick her out of the house. So that just leaves me as the only object of her rage.
  • Maybe this is her way of crying out for help, that she’s hungry for attention because she feels lonely inside. But I’d counter that to say that there are a number of more effective methods than harassing me. I’ve been depressed before but I was never violent or oppressive with anyone (unless they deserved it, that is).
  • Perhaps she’s insecure and jealous. Granted, I do have some one-of-kind items I love using every day. She seems to delight in using them and making me clean it. I now have to hide some of my stuff so she wouldn’t get her grubby paws on them. Life is unfair, that much goes without saying. If we even so much as touch her stuff and somehow moved it an inch out of place, she would fly off the handle but has absolutely no qualms whatsoever of taking other’s stuff.
  •  Or maybe she’s just inexplicably bored and gets antsy if she doesn’t get to destroy or mess with my stuff.
A week ago, she woke up from a dream in tears. She dreamed that she finally snapped. Her antagonist just stood there while she pummeled her face with punches and slaps and jabs. She said there was no way her sister would be as passive as that in real life as she kept boasting that she had been training in MMA for years. She was crying because she don’t want to have to result to violence. Despite her craziness, she still loves her baby sister and pray for her before she goes to bed. She prays harder for God to give her strength and stretch her patience even more.

Dream Journal #7

And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be gloried in the Son.

—John 14:13 (NIV)


Yesterday morning, my sister had a reflex session with Kuya Lucio. As with most sessions, I soon became very sleepy so I went to bed shortly after.

I found myself working at an office. My teammates and I were called to an off-site meeting. Because I had to change to a more appropriate attire than jeans and a blazer, I made a beeline for the CR, which happened to be in the attached building next door. As soon as I walked in, two of my friends and previous teammates emerged together out of the farthest cubicle from the door. They had quite a story to tell.

They said that Joy, one of the two girls, was scratched suddenly while she was sitting on the last toilet. She told the other girl about it. Since they just got off their shift and both were active in their churches, they decided to investigate the paranormal encounter. They came up with the idea to strip off their clothes to see any fresh marks. They went back into the last stall. Not long after, they both saw and felt deep scrapes on their arms. They dressed quickly and got out just as I walked in the door. Not wasting any time, they told me what they just experienced.

Full of righteous condemnation and hubris, I asked, “Why didn’t you rebuke it with ‘in Jesus’ name’?” I didn’t remember their answer.

When they left, I brushed off the entire thing and chose the final stall to get dressed in. As soon as I finished, I felt a force shove me against the left wall of the stall. I then saw a shadowy brown blur beside me. I got out and saw the blur materialize in front of the mirror.  The ghostly figure looked angry. My heart started drumming but I turned around and steeled myself to face him. Apart from the hostile stance, he looked quite normal in his dark jeans and tucked-in maroon polo shirt.

I was prepared to rebuke him out loud, but all I managed was “In Jesss…In Jes…Jezzz…”

He laughed at my effort. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t get the right words out so I thought it instead. In Jesus’ name, in Jesus’ name. His smile immediately turned sour. He started getting agitated.

Soon I found the strength to say aloud, “In Jesus’ name! In Jesus’ name, I command you to get away from here!” He started panicking and rushed out the door. I followed hastily, now shouting, “In Jesus’ name, get out of here and don’t come back!”

People were alarmed and  stared at me. I didn’t care; I kept hollering! He was running now and bumped into a guy in a white shirt and tie before disappearing around the corner.

I asked the guy he bumped into, “Did you see that?”

He replied, “I’m not sure. All I saw was a blur.”

“Well, I saw him clearly. He wore a maroon polo shirt and dark jeans,” I said.

I made my way back to my building where my teammates were waiting for me. I told them my story.

Then I woke up!


Dream Journal #6

Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today.

– James Dean

I dreamed last night that I was invited to a former work friend’s lavish home for a day. Things looked promising as she lived in an abandoned amusement park. As we toured around the property, she took me to her room, which was huge and fit for a princess. Though it was sparsely furnished, one could see the intricately carved gilded moldings on the ceiling and walls, remnants from its glory days.

After some brief introductions to her parents and brother, she then whisked me to a room lined with dark wood panels. Right at the center was a Jacuzzi and next to that was what looked like the beginnings of a waterslide. Her slightly heavyset friend appeared out of nowhere and jumped right on the slide, gesturing for both of us to follow suit. My host stripped off her T-shirt, revealing a bikini underneath. This was normal for her as she taught mermaid swimming lessons and dressed like that every day for convenience. She slipped onto the waterslide and disappeared around the bend.

Being unprepared and generally not a good swimmer, I took off my shirt and gingerly lowered myself on the chute. Despite it being wide enough and water flowing freely around me, I found it hard to move forward on the slide. I thought it odd that I had to push myself in order to get moving when I was nowhere near as wide as her friend. My struggle continued all the way until I made my splash on the pool below. As I came up for air, I saw my sister by the pool. I turned around and saw a long queue at the top of the outdoor waterslide. Apparently, we have just taken the shortcut to the pool area using the family’s private access.

As we made our way out of the pool area, I was struck by how vast the property was and how many people it could hold. There were areas in the park that were closed off from the public and looked rather shabby. It seemed that our hosts have invited their entire neighborhood for the party and they ventured out even to the restricted places. Suddenly, I heard loud banging and almost woke me up from my bizarre dream but I managed to doze off.

We found ourselves back to the house and our clothes before heading back to my friend’s bedroom to change. When we opened the door, a camera crew was filming by the bed. I guessed the family invited a celebrity of sorts for the festivities, which I still had no idea what event I was invited for. After we slipped back into our T-shirts, the celebrity invited us to sit on the bed with him.

I heard some more loud noises before I woke up with a start to the carpenters hammering away at the attic above my room. I begrudgingly dragged myself out of bed and made ready to start my day amidst the chaos of the renovation going in our house.


Dream Journal #5


Why does the eye see a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination when awake? 

—Leonardo da Vinci

dream banner

She had another dream about you last night. It’s been so long since the last time, but like the previous ones, they still sweep the rug from under and floored her. Every time.

She was at school and by the landing she saw L in a guard’s uniform. As she was making her way down the steps, she saw you wearing the same thing. You were climbing up the stairs toward her. We took a walk around the front gardens. They talked and laughed like they haven’t talked and laughed before. The boy said he and L were on guard duties as part of a community volunteer service. For the first time—and only in her dreams—he was so easy to talk to.

Suddenly, they were sitting down on a row of benches in an unusually deserted park, and he was wearing something more casual. She asked him about his girlfriend. He said that you had a girlfriend for a while but it ended not too l0ng ago. She argued that the status in his social media profile was still “in a relationship.” He explained that he kept it that way so no one would bother asking him why he was still single. Then they boy said something funny, and the girl slapped his leg affectionately. The next thing they knew, they were holding hands while making their way back to the building. They walked like it was the most natural thing to do in the world.

It was at this point that her imagination took over because the dream ended with an  anticipation of a kiss as the boy lowered his lips to meet hers.


She woke up shivering from cold. It seemed funny because the sun was shining quite brightly outside her window, and there was only a slight cool breeze coming in. Maybe the shirt she wore to sleep was just a little too thin and that the still cold draft of the early morn crept up her spine. Or maybe it was the lingering feeling of anticipating for that kiss, which almost always never happens in all her dreams of him. She may never know. But all she knew was this, she missed him. She feared that she will never see that boy again. All she had of him now was just a lifetime of memories and a series of frustrating dreams.

She  went downstairs to buy lunch when the answer to her dream came assailing through my ears. The girl remembered that old cheesy love song the boy used to sing to her when he called her one day. It may be the corniest love song ever but for a brief moment, it made her smile.

Way back then, she remembered cradling the phone close to her chest as she smiled. That smile was frozen on her face all day long because of that call. They were so young but even then, she knew it was love. It wasn’t just infatuation one bestows upon a cute boy and then just quickly take it right back and offer it to the next cute boy in sight.  No, what they had was real, and she will treasure it for a lifetime.

Life is too short to live in perpetual frustrations and undying guilt. But if it was all she have left of the boy, then the girl would gladly accept an eternity of anguish. That’s how much he meant and forever will be to her.


Dream Journal #4

“There was time before organisms experienced consciousness, and there will be time after. And if the inevitability of human oblivion worries you, I encourage you to ignore it.”

John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

I woke up from a bizarre dream this morning. I shouldn’t be binge-watching YouTube videos at 2 am, but I know that I’m probably not going to stop anytime soon.


It was payday, and M and I, along with a coworker, decided to go to SM. The jeepney didn’t drive up at the usual drop-off point, so my sense of direction was already wonky to begin with. As I needed to withdraw some cash, I split from the two of them and headed to the nearest ATM.

I decided to take a shortcut, using the employees’ entrance. Soon, I was getting lost amidst dark corridors and endless rows of doors and staircases, each getting colder, darker, and creepier than the last. Finally, I saw a mall personnel. I told her that I was hopelessly lost and in desperate need of directions. She told me to take the next door to the left, climb up the steps to a rainbow room, and say the password “Plums” in order to access the next door, which leads to a side entrance back to the mall. I opened the door and saw a flight of stairs, and as soon as I closed the door, the area became virtually pitch-black and bone-chillingly cold. With my heart thundering inside my chest, I reached the top landing. I gingerly grabbed the doorknob and twisted it. Suddenly, the door flung open and I heard a loud, otherworldly scream. Then a wall of thick dark cloud raced toward me. I bolted and flew down the stairs. It must have taken me only a split-second to find the service lady again. I explained what I had just seen.

Out of nowhere, J came sprinting casually through one of the doors, wearing gym shorts and a tank top, as if he was participating in the Amazing Race, running through the bowels of a crowded mall. I was anxious for only a second or two, and then I felt nothing. Apparently, he and the service lady knew each other, and they had a bit of a chat. I finally cleared my throat, and he turned around around, surprised to see me. We talked briefly, and then a security guard arrived and escorted me to the mall exit. I was surprised to see my coworker waiting for me. Thankfully, she was friends with a diplomat, and we were able to hitch a ride in her limousine. They dropped us off at the highway, where we took a jeepney that was heading for home. The jeep quickly filled up, and then I saw M make his way in. He ended up sitting at a stool in the middle of the aisle, as the jeep was already full. A few minutes later, a spot opened up next to me. M took it.


Then I woke up with a feeling that we got home in one piece. Not long after, I tasted the familiar bitterness in my mouth. Does my dream imply that no matter what I had gone through and who I met along the way, I would always end up in the same situation over and over again? God, I hope not! Then the real nightmare would truly be never-ending.

Dream Journal # 3

“Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”

Edgar Allan Poe


So I was invited to a birthday bash-slash-festival, and I decided to go there with my best friend from high school. As soon as we walked past the entrance, through a crowd of fiesta-goers, made our way to the buffet table, and sat down to enjoy our food, a former classmate joined us, who just happens to be the cousin of the birthday celebrant. Since we didn’t have much to say to each other, we mostly ate in silence. I crammed the last veggies down my throat, and then all three of us got up to find the birthday girl—and the rest of our classmates, if we were lucky.

The place was huge! It seemed like their property stretched on forever. We weaved in and out of the crowd, which was steady growing, when we figured to make a shortcut through the main house—with our classmate leading the way, of course. We were navigating our way through the house and into the back entrance; the classmate in the lead, my best friend in between, and me trailing behind them. At one point, he purposely walked slower and waited for me to catch up. So my best friend ended up ahead of the line, leading us out toward the back. Without warning, he slid his hand subtly into mine and weaved his fingers in between. Surprised, I looked up. He had this huge grin plastered on his face. I felt icky, so I jerked my hand away as if I was burned. He just chuckled and continued walking.

As soon as we emerged from the backdoor, the bright afternoon sunlight hit us, and we could see that the festivities were well on their way. There was another buffet table laid out in front of us, brimming with all kinds of sweets and desserts imaginable.My best friend and I hung back to enjoy a few nibbles, and the our classmate went on ahead. A short while later, we made our way to the makeshifts stands, where a crowd was gathering to watch a soccer (or football to the non-Americans). We could see our classmate sitting down on the judges’ table.

While we made our way through the stands to find decent seats, all of the sudden, this huge bear of a guy blocked our way. He called me by my childhood name, which none but my family and close high school friends know me by. I looked up and immediately felt guilt because I didn’t recognize him at all. While my friend went ahead to find us some seats, I stayed behind, intrigued by the guy who came seemingly from nowhere. He was there with his old friends to watch the festivities. We got to talking, and he said he was a couple of years younger than him. Suddenly, he admitted unabashedly that he always had a crush on me since high school. I thought it was a tad creepy, but I had so much fun hanging around with them, I brushed it off. He even let me play with their remote controlled drone, a pet project he and his friends made.

Some time later, I realized that I had lost my shoes and my bag, which had my umbrella in it, was missing. I ended up borrowing a pair of extra shoes from them, which magically fit my tiny feet. As I made my way down into the grounds so I could head back to the main house, where I must have left my things, my friend joined me. Strangely enough, she too lost her shoes and had to borrow someone else’s. On the way, my friend and I appeared to have been separated, so I made my way back up to the house all by myself, trying to retrace my steps. I then decided to head out to the judges’ table, hoping that our classmate could help me look for my bag. In order to get back to the game though, I had to make a detour through the police station. I walked through the front gate easily enough, but once inside, I was confronted with a closed door. People were walking up and down the station, and there were two guards standing by the door. When I asked them which way to the soccer field, they opened the door, revealing a very creepy downstairs basement and a long dimly-lit hallway. 

Needless to say, I hesitated. I was getting chills up my spine just looking down at it, not unlike when I was watching The Shining. But since I had to get my things back, I squared my shoulders, took a deep breath, and started climbing down the creepy stairs. All the while, my heart was pounding so hard I could hear it in my ears. Finally, I reached the door on the other end and wrenched it open. As it turned out, my shortcut led to the top of the stands. From my vantage point, I could see that our classmate was not on at the judges’ table anymore.

I started making my way down the stands to find him, so he could help me look for my bag. Then, out of nowhere, a pair of thick arms closed around me in a bear hug. It was that guy again! He started babbling that he was looking everywhere for me and about wanting to see me again, but I just looked up stupidly at his towering frame. Shortly after, I heard a screech. His girlfriend appeared from somewhere in the seats. Apparently, she saw him embracing me and flew into a rage.What ensued was a very public argument, which caused quite a scene for the spectators below. Then she took one look at me and stormed off. 

I told him to go after her as I finally caught up with my best friend who appeared suddenly, no doubt attracted by the commotion that just happened around us. I grabbed her hand, and we ran down the stands, determined to find our classmate so we could find my bag, meet his cousin, and then skedaddle out of there.

Then I woke up to the lingering image of salt and pepper shakers. I was having another one of those weird dreams again, which always had me feeling flummoxed and disoriented.

The last thoughts I had before being fully awake and rising out of bed was that I was going to ask my best friend to hunt down his girlfriend and try to explain that there is nothing going on between his boyfriend and I, despite his belated declarations of misguided attraction toward me, because it most assuredly did not go both ways.

Come to think of it, I have never seen that guy before in my life. So he could well have been just a figment of my imagination—as was my entire dream.


Dream Journal # 2

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”

J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

She had that kind of dream again. Even now as she become fully awake, the details are slipping away faintly like sand through her clenched fist. No matter how much she held on to them, they seem to pour out in between her fingers.

As these things usually go, it began with her getting together with some of her old friends. Through some not-so-subtle manipulation, they ended up having dinner alfresco on the same table together by the side of the road.

After a few awkward “How are yous” and “What’s new with yous,” they mostly ate in silence; all the while, acutely aware that the other is married. After finishing their last bite, both started staring off into the distance. Neither wanted the night to end, but they didn’t know what to say to each other either.

Finally, she pushed her plate away and stood up. They were clearing the table when another friend came to join them. He just came back from dropping off his girlfriend, walked toward them, and put his arms around the guy’s shoulder. All three of them headed toward the group gathering to leave.

Then the whole gang decided to walk home together. Because of the lively chat with their old friends, she made it to about a block and a half away before she realized that they had passed by the street of her parent’s house.

This was the part where she wished she could change her dream…

After telling the group that she had missed her street, she made a hearty wave, turned around, and started to walk back toward her street. They were waving goodbye at her; so was he. He shouted something at her, while walking backwards, but she couldn’t hear it. Their friends laughed.

At the corner of her street, she watched as their figures became smaller and smaller.

Then she woke up, bursting with frustration. She immediately tried to recall as much detail as possible, then she thought about how the dream should have ended. There were two things that she wanted to change. First, she wanted to know what he shouted at her that made their friends laugh. More  significantly, she wanted him to offer to walk her home.

She was already playing the scene in full color inside her head when she realized she couldn’t ignore the golden glint bouncing off his wedding ring as he waved at her. The fact that he was married brought fresh bile into her mouth and shattered the already cracked exterior of her emotions. Her heart was used to the torture, and yet, she still couldn’t stop thinking about the what ifs.

Her last thoughts drifted to what he was wearing in her dream, a dark denim jacket over white t-shirts and black jeans. And then, she stopped thinking and resolutely rose from her bed to face her real life.